FORGIVENESS - Dangers Of Unforgiveness

"Judge not and you shall not be judged, 

condemn not and you shall not be condemned, 

forgive and you shall be forgiven."

Unforgiveness is a very dangerous thing to toy with, like pride, it is usually subtle and it takes conscious effort for people to identify it in their lives. Even when people around us identify it and point it out. Some hide in denial and cover up by saying "i have forgiven," but forgiveness goes far beyond words. Unforgiveness is simply the opposite of forgiveness, so when we lack true forgiveness, we have unforgiveness.

DANGERS OF UNFORGIVENESS

1. UNFORGIVENESS HINDERS OUR FORGIVENESS: We retain forgiveness in the same measure that we forgive others. so, when we withhold forgiveness from those who offend us, forgiveness will also be withheld from us. It's simple, when you fail to forgive, you will also fail to receive forgiveness.

2. UNFORGIVENESS HINDERS OUR PRAYERS: It is a must that we should forgive first  before coming to your creator in prayers. Do not let unforgiveness hinder your prayers and supplications unto your creator.

3. IT IS A STEPPING STONE TO BITTERNESS AND RESENTMENT: Unforgiveness can lead to bitterness and resentment both against the offended and the offender. For example, in a case of sexual abuse, the abused begins to hate both him/herself and the one who abused them. This can practically make you perhaps worse than the one who offended them.

4. IT KEEPS ONE IN THE PAST: Instead of moving forward and making progress in life, unforgiveness can keep one in the past, complaining and harboring anger over past events while other people have moved on in life. Unforgiveness won't give you a chance to make progress and move on to the next level of your life. 

5. IT KEEPS ONE IN ILL-HEATH: Research has proven that unforgiveness has a negative effect on our health. Dr Daren Swartz (a specialist at John Hopkins hospital) states that being hurt and disappointed can lead to changes in heart rate, blood pressure, immunity which increases risk of depression, heart disease, diabetes and other conditions, while forgiveness calms stress levels, leading to improved health. Dr. Fred Lukin (a health psychologist at Stanford university) states that unforgiveness raises blood pressure, depletes immune function, cause depression and physical stress to the body.

Note: Unforgiveness is a dangerous yet subtle menace that we should be careful to spot out and overcome. If you do not root it out on time, you will be surprised to see the extent to which unforgiveness can take you to, such as murder. It breeds hate and all manner of negative emotions which can lead to an unhappy and unfulfilled life. So, avoid all these by releasing people from the prison of your heart.

Unforgiveness can be passed on to loved ones who also harbour  unforgiveness towards a person on our behalf. Unforgiveness can even be passed on to future generations where parents, children and even grandchildren of  certain families are at logger head, sometimes, without even knowing the origin of the feud. Loved ones suffer in future for our present actions.

REASONS WHY YOU STILL HAVEN'T FORGIVEN

"Some people will not forgive their offender, 

until they see such offender consumed

 with excess sorrow or even die, 

while some will still harbour bitterness

 towards an offender even after he/she has died."

Unforgiveness is one of the strongest yet subtle bondages of the devil in the lives of people. It is a sin that makes people deny their offenders forgiveness, thereby disqualifying themselves from being forgiven by others/God.

 Read also: The Raw Truth About Forgiveness

WHY YOU STILL HAVEN'T FORGIVEN

The following are some reasons why some people are still unable to forgive those who hurt them.

1. THEY FAIL TO REALIZE THAT FORGIVENESS IS A CHOICE: Some people are waiting to feel the forgiveness, but they fail to realize that forgiveness is a choice you make and that there are actions you must take to work towards forgiveness. It is not something that happens to you or comes upon you. You have to decide to forgive first and with time, you will also feel the forgiveness. It is not an emotion, but a deliberate response to the actions or inactions of others.

2. THEY FAIL TO ADMIT THEIR OWN FAILURES: Most times, we judge people by their actions and judge ourselves by our intentions which may not even be known to the other party. We fail to admit our own failures and weaknesses. If we realize that the people who hurt us may not have intended to, forgiveness comes easy for us. If we remember that we have been in need of forgiveness several times and will still need forgiveness in future, we would find it easy to forgive those who hurt us.

3. THE PEOPLE WHO HURT YOU ARE CLOSE ONES: Nothing hurts more than an offence from a close one. Sometimes, it feels easier to just forgive strangers than when a close friend, spouse or relative hurts you. It feels deliberate because you least expect it from them and you expect them to understand your likes and dislikes. The hurt goes deeper than that of strangers and because we tend to see them or come in contact with them often, we remember the hurt often. But that should not stop you from forgiving them.

4. THEY FEEL THE OFFENCE IS TOO BIG OR HAS BEEN COMMITTED TOO OFTEN: People tend to measure wrongs and and see somethings as big offences and others as minor. Because of this, they find it hard to forgive "the big offences". You will hear people say things like; "i can forgive anything except...." They also fear that forgiveness will make the offender repeat the offence, especially when the person has offended you repeatedly and deliberately on the same matter. It is usually easy for us to forgive someone who made a mistake, but how do you forgive someone who has repeatedly offended you?

Note - Whether you forgive or not, some people will constantly offend you. So, just forgive.

5. THEY FAIL TO REALIZE THE DANGERS OF UNFORGIVENESS: People do not realize the grave danger they put themselves in when they refuse to forgive. Sometimes, the person you have not forgiven does not even know that you are upset with them and you keep suffering alone unnecessarily in unforgiveness. If you realize the effects of unforgiveness, you will also realize that it's best to just forgive. The person you forgive may turn around to love you more in the future.

6. THEY WANT TO FORGIVE ONLY ON CERTAIN CONDITIONS: They are waiting only to forgive when the offender apologizes (correctly) or admit that they did wrong. Remember, "perdonare" means to give completely without reservation. So, do not wait for signs or soberness before you forgive.

7. THEY FAIL TO REALIZE THAT FORGIVENESS CAN BE A PROCESS: It is important to give immediately, but sometimes, forgiveness is a process. You choose to forgive and you keep forgiving. Each time you remember or feel the hurt, you keep forgiving. Don't always expect to get over the hurt instantly. Sometimes, it feels that you have taken back your forgiveness because of the way you feel over the hurt, simply understand that the healing process takes time and deliberate effort.

8. FEAR OF LOSING CONTROL: Sometimes, we feel in control when we have something we are holding over someone who offended us. We enjoy having them indebted to us and anger can be negatively energizing and make us feel powerful and superior. Unforgiveness then feels like a shield which protects one from the offender and makes them feel strong, but in reality, we are only doing more harm to ourselves.

SUMMARY - Having noted all these limitations to forgiveness, we are better equipped to truly forgive those who hurt us. Stop living in denial and realize when you have not truly forgiven and make the effort to forgive. A word is enough for the wise and nobody knows if they will have another chance to forgive after today, so, make good use of today and seize the opportunity to forgive.